What Is Yoni Massage?
Yoni massage is a slow, intentional, consent-led massage of the vulva and, if it feels right, the inside of the yoni. It has no goal. It is a meditation on sensation that brings awareness back into a part of the body many women have disconnected from, so that numbness, tension and pain can soften and pleasure can return.
Book A Free Connection CallA Sacred Space
Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the female sexual anatomy, often described as the sacred space or the source of life. In my practice, yoni massage is never the start of a session. It comes only after long communication, clear consent and a slow progression through whole-body massage.
Why The Yoni Is Sacred
We are all born through the yoni. It is the portal we each came through into life, and it represents life itself: love, making love, intimacy and connection with a loving partner. Somewhere along the way we have lost the sanctity of that, and the respect and recognition that women are special beings who give birth.
When a woman is connected to her yoni, to her sexuality and her pleasure, the yoni can be a portal back to very high states of bliss. Orgasm and orgasmic states can be deeply emotional and spiritual experiences. But for many women there is a journey to be made before that is possible.
Why So Many Women Feel Disconnected
The yoni is often a site of a lot of trauma. Moments of intimacy that were too much, too soon. Boundary violations. Sexual acts that weren’t fully in alignment, where a woman went along with something that wasn’t completely consensual. Full sexual assault. Medical examinations. Childbirth. A lot can happen to the body in that place, and it can leave both physical and emotional pain.
The body’s natural response is to shut down and block off from that part of itself. Add cultural shame, shyness, avoidance and religious shame, and many women end up cut off from an extremely important part of the human experience. Yoni massage is a process of reconnecting with it, with presence.
What Happens In A Yoni Massage?
Every step below happens only with your consent, and you can say pause or stop at any point.
It starts with the whole body
I work with the whole body and its energy channels, so that energy can move through the whole system, and even into the yoni, without the yoni being touched. Before any agreed yoni massage begins, there is an extended massage to open the body to receiving touch, sensation and energy flow.
Then I check in again
Even when yoni massage has already been agreed, I make an offering rather than assuming. I invite you to check in with your body and your yoni: there is the option of moving towards yoni massage now, or we can stay with the legs, or the face, or whatever feels good to you. Only when you clearly say it’s what you want do we begin, and I thank you for the access to your body. If anything changes, you say pause or stop.
Presence and holding
It begins with stillness. A hand resting on the yoni, a hand on the heart, and long, slow, deep breaths, so you can relax and feel trust and safety. Many women associate touch in this area with pressure: to perform, to reach orgasm, to give something back, or for it to lead to sex. Simple presence and breath, in stillness, lets those pressures start to dissolve.
Slow, intentional massage
I call it shiatsu for the labia: intentional massage, pressure, stretching and release of the outer labia and inner labia, the central line, the vaginal opening and the area above it, and the clitoral head and hood. The purpose is to bring consciousness down into this part of the body. It becomes almost a meditation on sensation, with no goal and no build-up: just moving into the subtle and expanding into what is already there. That might be pleasure. It might be numbness. It might be pain. Bringing awareness to those sensations is what allows them to change.
Internal massage and pleasure mapping
If it feels right, and only after checking consent again, there can be internal massage. Through pleasure mapping we bring awareness to different parts of the inside of the yoni: front, back, left and right to begin with. For each area I ask how sensitive it feels on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is numb and 10 is ecstatic. Then we ask that part of the yoni what she needs to feel more: pressure, stillness or movement. Sustained pressure can help release numbness or trauma held there. This is where de-armouring and reconnection come together, lighting up the inside of the yoni with sensation.
Constant, simple communication
Throughout, I check in with simple choices: stillness or movement, inside or outside. You stay in charge of every step, and every direction stays open to your free choice.
Is Orgasm The Goal?
No. There is no goal and no build-up. The purpose is awareness: meeting whatever sensation is there and allowing it to become more alive. Pleasure can arise, and orgasmic states can happen, and when they do they can be deeply emotional and even spiritual. But nothing is expected of you, and nothing is being worked towards.
Sometimes a woman experiences an ejaculation. It is never a goal or an expectation, but when it happens it can feel like a purge: the release of something held on to for a very long time, often with tears and a deep sense of relief.
In Their Own Words
The clearest way to describe what can change is in the words of women who have experienced it.
“I experienced a yoni massage today too and it was incredible to feel so empowered, safe, respected and to be allowed to feel every sensual, pleasurable and powerful feeling that Ben evoked in me. The release I experienced was like nothing I have felt before, I felt such a relief that straight after I burst into tears. I felt love for myself which I haven’t felt before. I no longer felt ashamed and I felt happy and complete.”
“As a people pleaser, recovering work addict and someone who struggles to receive pleasure, the 3-hour sensual and yoni massage was genuinely life-changing.”
“I felt safe to cry and scream out and lean into the painful spaces in my Yoni being dearmoured as well as the pains in my relationships with men soften.”
“I was able to fully let go in to the experience, after years of feeling numb and not wanting to be touched, feeling stuck and self-loathing.”
“It was a tough session, but the days after the session, I had sense of lightness to me, and I felt like I’d lifted a weight off me, that I hadn’t even realised I was carrying.”
“I was able to express some long held sadness allow my partner to comfort me in a way I never managed before.”
Is Yoni Massage Right For Me Now?
Yoni massage is about sexual sovereignty and empowerment. It also depends on your nervous system and its capacity in that moment. If I sense you aren’t ready, it doesn’t happen: nothing is ever forced.
Many women have deeply healing sessions without yoni massage, and it may come later, or not at all. That is something we decide together, on the connection call and in the session, at your pace.
Yoni Massage And Lingam Massage: What Is The Difference?
Yoni massage is for the female body. Lingam massage is the equivalent for the male body: intentional massage of the penis and the surrounding tissue, which can help clear physical or emotional trauma that may be linked to erectile or other sexual difficulties, and re-sensitise the nervous system so that pleasure can be held and moved through the whole body.
I offer yoni massage to women. I don’t offer lingam or sensual massage to men, though I do offer somatic de-armouring sessions to men, regardless of sexuality.
How To Choose A Safe Yoni Massage Practitioner
Yoni massage asks an incredible amount of trust of a woman, so who she chooses really matters. Look for someone who:
- has plenty of experience and plenty of training, including in a trauma-informed approach
- is aware of the power dynamics between practitioner and client
- has done their own inner work
- talks with you properly before any session, and asks about your history, needs and boundaries
- treats consent as ongoing, checks in often, and makes it easy to say pause or stop
- is completely in service of you
Be wary of a practitioner who leads you into an experience rather than following you, who rushes or skips the conversation beforehand, or who uses this very sacred art as a source of satisfaction for themselves.
My Experience And Training
I have practised full time for six years and worked with over 600 clients. I trained with the Academy of Modern Tantra, in Tao Tantric massage with the Tantric Journey School, in Kundalini bodywork, and in Neurowave. I am a certified therapist member of the International Institute of Holistic Therapies, and I trained as a physiotherapist before this work.
Learning For Yourself Or With A Partner
As well as yoni massage sessions, I guide and support women on a journey of self-pleasure: reconnecting with themselves and their sensuality, and working through what blocks them. I have taught couples, including lesbian couples, intimacy and connection exercises. And I teach women practices to reconnect with men safely: somatic exercises that help them experience their own body and bring that into future connections.
These can be booked as separate sessions, and like everything, they start with a free connection call.
Curious About Yoni Massage?
The first step is always a free 30 minute connection call. We can talk through the process in as much detail as you need, and you can decide in your own time.
Book A Free Connection Call